Brooding On

The Books Won't Tell You This

We learn most everything about our farming ventures from books.  And, mostly, our books prepare us for what we'll face on the farm.  When they don't and we find ourselves at a loss, we turn to the internet.  But, nothing in all my reading prepared me for this.  

So, in case you're headed down the path we're traveling, I thought I'd do you the service of passing along this helpful advice that you will not encounter in any other of your reading.  


Do not wear flip-flops into the chicken yard while sporting brightly-painted toenails.  


I should just leave it at that.  

But, just in case you're not convinced that this is a rule worth abiding by, allow me to explain what will happen to you should you not heed my sage advice. . . 

Unsuspectingly, you'll enter the yard with your egg-gathering basket, like you do everyday.  But before you can even turn around from latching the gate, all 110 of them will attack your feet at once.  And it will hurt.  And you will be sure that they are drawing blood as you begin to jump around the chicken yard, hiking your knees up to your chest with each jumping step in an attempt to fling them off of your poor feet.  Though you began near the gate, you will foolishly continue this dance making a big lap around the yard because you aren't thinking clearly enough to do otherwise.  Once you finally reach the gate and safety, you will, first and foremost, look around to be sure that no one has witnessed your ridiculous chicken-attack-dance, then you will check out your toes to survey the damage and discover that those chickens have literally eaten the polish off your toes.  And you will hope that it isn't toxic enough to kill them.  And you will curse yourself for conditioning those dad-gum chickens to love the strawberry tops you deliver to them with great regularity.  And, though your pedicure is totally shot, you will be thankful to have survived the whole ordeal with all your toes intact. 

To those of you with chickens in your future, you're very welcome.  

Oh, and Happy Monday!  ;)